Monday, May 3, 2010

Ouch - That Was Harder than I Thought

The darts from Satan sometimes hit hard and hurt deeply - this time it hurts more the day after the dart was thrown.

My husband had the kids this weekend and took them to a restaurant that used to be a family gathering place for us when his mother was alive. It was a place where we (our family, his brother's family, and his parents) would gather for a good meal and fun conversation - it's been over a year since I've been there. My husband called me late Sunday afternoon to tell me he was taking the kids there, and I was a little grateful that I wouldn't have to make them dinner that night - not realizing that I had just been hit.

The pain didn't hit me until this morning when my six-year-old said that the whole family gathered there, not just my husband and the kids. Ouch! The pain of that rejection moved the tears forward a bit, and I had a hard time swallowing. Feelings of sadness and grief come and go as I fight to stop the pain of being excluded. I will get through this day and this grief and come out stronger, but for now, the pain of not being a part of something that used to be so enjoyable lingers.

I prayed a prayer of protection - mostly that my mind won't be filled with thoughts of "what if..." and "that must mean..." Mostly lies from the enemy. God is working, and I'm still standing.

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